Sunday, September 11, 2011


Today, I wish you peace..

I remember, as so many of us so vividly remember that day.  September 11, 2001

I had just got out of the shower and sat down on the couch to comb out my hair.  Turning on the TV and not completely awake, I think that I am looking at a scene from a new movie (I am in L.A., home of Hollywood) and then it registers to me that the tower that is burning is not a set, it is the World Trade Center.  I turn up the volume but I don't even hear what the newscaster is saying.  I lean in... I'm still hoping this is special effects and not really real.  It can't be real!  The second plane hits the second tower... and it just seems to disappear in such slow slow motion.  My living room fades away and it is just me and my TV screen.  And I watch and watch.

I don't remember how long later, but I am in contact with my family in three different states on the East Coast.  Not everyone is accounted for.  I am garbled and disconnected and busy signaled.  It is horrible to feel helpless and so far away.

The television is turned up high.  Loud.  I am hard of hearing, so the closed captioning is on too.  I know I will always remember, but some things I wish I could forget.  The ringing and bells and sirens and shouted orders... the unexplained explosive sounds that they try not to mention until a cameraman or reporter asks about them.  I hear and read what they are.  I did not know one human being could have so many tears at the ready.

And then, they fall and another deafening sound takes over, the rumbling and panting of those running and trying to escape the wave of ash and smoke and debris and...  The shock.  It looks like the most horrible snowy... I don't know.  Even now I can't describe it.

I realize my hair has dried uncombed.  I am still in a towel, still on the couch with the comb by my side where I set it down hours ago.  I sit there from dawn to dark, horribly glued to the scenes unfolding at the Pentagon, in Pennsylvania and in New York.  I fall asleep that way, mourning for so many beings directly and indirectly affected by the day.

In the weeks and months and years that pass, I still remember.  I honor those lost on and since 9/11 and I will not forget.  Today, I wish you peace...